Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
