weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
