he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize