I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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