i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
