dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
