I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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