Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Every concussion has its silver lining
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
