Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
