You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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