Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
