Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
