So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
