Pappa wants mamma naked
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
