Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
