He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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