Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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