If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
