I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
