glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
