don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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