Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
