Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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