Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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