ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is my gift to your gina
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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