Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
