I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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