you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
