So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
