Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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