My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
