It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
