Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We are all done wearing pants today
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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