stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
