My nipple is on Facebook.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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