plz talk dirty to me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
