just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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