I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
