So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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