The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
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I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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