Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
