there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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