Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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