What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
