I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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