There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
