I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
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The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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