I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
