Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize