Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
