i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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