It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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