I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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