Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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