i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
