Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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