i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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