She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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