i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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