Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
